Transfiguration and Terrible Toerags
by saladgurl
Summary: Lily needs some help and the arrogant, bullying toerag James Potter is the last thing she needs... right? LilyxJames oneshot. Read and review!


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any part of his universe. Well, maybe James...Alright, I don't own James Potter either.

* * *

She heard the portrait swing shut and looked, almost against her will, to see who was coming into the common room so late at night. Well, it wasn't terribly late at night, but she was one of the last still in the common room; there were a few seventh years playing chess on the other side of the room. It was James Potter who entered. She raised an eyebrow, wondering what he had been doing when his friends had gone up to bed nearly an hour before, but got back to practicing her Transfiguration. It seemed awfully basic for a NEWT level student, but she still had trouble with her vertebrate transfigurations. She couldn't even do it properly with the cat toy in front of her that she'd borrowed from a girl in her dormitory.

"Evans? What are you still doing up?"

"None of your business, Potter. And might I add that students shouldn't be wandering around outside of their common rooms at this hour? I'm a prefect- I should report you." Lily responded without looking up from her toy mouse. She waited for some stupid, cheeky answer ending in 'go out with me, Evans' but it didn't come. He just sat down on the couch opposite her and looked into the fireplace. Lily noticed that he seemed awfully tired and lacked that usual air of arrogance that always surrounded him.

She knew better than to involve herself in James Potter's affairs, but her human nature won out over her common sense. "Something wrong, Potter?"

"...Not really... just having a bad day..."

"Oh, alright." Lily, satisfied with that answer, turned back to her mouse and continued practicing, to no avail.

"You're doing it wrong."

Lily jumped a bit at the sound of his voice; she had forgotten he was still sitting opposite her. "Well excuse me, but not everybody can be quite as _gifted _as you are at Transfiguration." She snapped, eyes narrowed and wand ready in case she suddenly had the urge to hex him. Which was likely.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just thought you'd want to know. Your wand movement is wrong."

"I'm doing it _exactly _as the book says."

"I'm sure the book doesn't tell you to be all stiff and tense and hold your wand so tight you look like you're about to snap it in two. And I'm sure the book tells you to wave your wand, not poke the poor creature."

Lily glowered at him, deciding not to reply to his rather infuriating comment. She did, however, hold up the toy and squeeze it a few times, which resulted in a few cute squeaks to show that the 'poor creature' was just an inanimate object.

"Oh, well, no wonder it's not working. Your book is turned to the vertebrate section. That's a toy mouse."

"No, really. I was under the impression that it was _real_." Lily glared, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Well, that's silly." Whether or not James had picked up on her sarcasm, Lily couldn't be certain. "Here, now try." James said, and with a wave of his wand, her toy mouse had come to life.

"How'd you do that? Turning an object into a vertebrate is really complex!"

James grinned, but Lily could only detect a shadow of his normal big-headedness. "Go ahead, now try. I'm sure it'll be easier now."

Lily looked suspiciously at the mouse. When she was convinced that there wasn't anything actually wrong with it, she resumed her practice.

"Nope, still doing it wrong."

"Shut up, Potter! Will you just go up to your dormitory and _leave me be_?"

"Sorry, Evans, but I just can't leave knowing that a fellow student needs my help."

"Oh, you are so infuriating!"

"Come now, you know you don't mean that." James smiled. Lily could have almost sighed with relief. Good old conceited Potter was back and now Lily didn't have to feel bad about cursing him. Before he could say another word, Lily's wand was pointed at him.

"I may not be so good at Transfiguration, but I can hex you until you can't recognize your face in the mirror."

"Alright, alright. I was just trying to help." James put his hands up in surrender. Lily smirked. Now he would leave her alone.

Only he didn't. He just continued to watch her from his seat. Ignoring the idiot in front of her as best she could, she continued to prod and poke her mouse. Since it was animate now, she'd had to summon a small box nearby and keep the animal inside to keep it from running off.

"You're still doing it wro-"

"Potter!" Lily growled in frustration.

"Here, try it like this." James got up and walked over to her couch. He tried to guide her wand arm like in those cheesy Muggle movies, and Lily supposed he wanted it to seem romantic, but the thought of it made her sick.

"Get your hand off me, Potter, before I really do hex you."

"Well, fine." He replied sullenly. As that plot had failed, he tried to show her how to do it by example. "Just do it like this."

"I'll do it however I want to!"

"Are you trying to be difficult, or do you really just not want to pass Transfiguration?"

"I don't need your help to pass!"

"Do you really think so, Evans? Because you're awful if you haven't noti-"

"Silencio." Lily decided she'd had enough. "I'm sorry, were you saying something, Potter?"

James rolled his eyes. Funnily enough, they had done common nonverbal counterspells just the day before in Defense of the Dark Arts. He pointed his wand at his throat and spoke, a bit hoarsely, mind you. "Now was that really necessary?"

"At least it worked for a bit." She sighed forlornly. She continued to practice, but the closest she got to properly transfiguring the stupid mouse was having it sprout another tail.

She grunted in absolute frustration when she heard a chuckle. Looking up, she found James Potter smirking at her. Smirking! Well, it looked a bit like a good-natured smile, but Lily wasn't going to fall for that trick. "I'm sorry, do you _enjoy_ watching me fail?"

He frowned, looking a little hurt. "Do you enjoy being mean to me?"

"Are you _honestly_ asking me that question?" Lily scoffed in disbelief.

"Yeah, I really am."

"Don't try and make me out to be the bad guy here, Potter. There's a reason that I call you an arrogant, bullying toerag."

James paused, obviously thinking deeply. "Well... if I were to be, let's say... less of a bullying toerag-"

"_Arrogant_, bullying toerag."

"Alright, less of an _arrogant_, bullying toerag... would you like me?"

"You mean, would I magically fall in love with you the second you stop hexing Snape?" James perked up. "No, that's doubtful." James looked down. "But I wouldn't be so mean to you if you didn't give me a reason to dislike you so much."

"Really?"

"But I don't know if you should really get your hopes up. I mean serious personality flaws like that don't go away overnight."

"What do Sirius' personality flaws have to do with anything?"

"_Not Sirius'_. _Your_ personality flaws. You have _serious personality flaws_."

"I think you make me out to be a worse bloke than I am."

"But I know that you make yourself out to be a better guy than you are."

"Come on, Lily. I'm really just trying to _help_."

"I think it would help more if you got your head out of your rear-"

"Lily, think of the children!" James said, pointing vaguely in the direction of the only other people in the room.

"I think you just called the Head Boy a child. And I personally don't think your condescending remarks are helping me any."

"Alright, alright. I'm _sorry_."

Lily stopped dead in her tracks. Not that she was moving or anything, but she almost stopped breathing. "What did you say?"

"I said I'm sorry."

"Who in Merlin's name are you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You've never apologized for anything in your life that you've done to me. Or to just about anyone else for that matter."

"Maybe I'm not such a toerag?"

"No, you are. But maybe I'll accept some of that help..." Lily acquiesced.

James smiled. "Alright, so relax your arm..." He said, standing behind her and holding her arm.

"You'd better let go of me this second, James Potter, or so help me-"

"Alright! Ok, fine. Just relax your arm a bit but still concentrate and wave your wand over the mouse, focusing on what you want it to turn into. Which is back into that mouse toy, right?"

Lily nodded in response and closed her eyes, concentrating more than she ever had before. Unfortunately, stupid James Potter's head kept popping into her mind. "What the-?" James said in confusion before bursting into a fit of laughter. Lily had succeeded in transfiguring the mouse but was surprised to find that it had turned into a mouse-sized James Potter stuffed doll. It was surprisingly detailed and the resemblance was amazing.

"So maybe you don't think I'm such a toerag?" James gloated. Lily looked, horrified, at the doll and back at James and back at the doll.

"Ugh, can you change it back to that mouse toy? I think it's time to call it a day."

"Sure." And sure enough, with a wave of the wand, the doll turned right back into the stuffed mouse she had started with. Just looking at it, Lily was infuriated. How come he could do it but she couldn't? But suddenly, her anger died down as he smiled and handed her back the toy.

"Thanks." They walked slowly towards their respective staircases but Lily had to ask before she went to bed, "So what was so bad about your day, anyway?"

"You know, I don't think it was such a bad day after all..." He shot her one last dazzling smile (although Lily still felt it was more of an arrogant smirk) before heading up the stairs to the sixth year boys' dormitory, whistling.

* * *

A/N: Well, this is my first attempt at posting a Lily/James fic, so please don't be too hard on me :) Hope you enjoyed, and please review!


End file.
